Adoption separation: A tragic end for one natural family

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I have a friend, Rowena, who is a natural mother who lost her son to adoption.

Rowena was only 17 when she gave birth to her son Blaise, and in Grace Hospital in Calgary, they only allowed her to see him sparingly for few days after his birth, and then one day the nurses took him away and refused to let her see him ever again. That was the power that hospitals had over us unwed mothers. The professionals around us, often government social workers, we trusted as no-one else showed any care for us. Little did we know of our rights to our babies – the same as the rights of any older or married mother – or that the hospitals’ actions were illegal. Beaten down emotionally and psychologically, and often cast away into exile by our parents and society, we did not know we had any rights at all.

So, in 1967, Rowena’s son was born. And the government social worker that came with the surrender papers made her believe that her only option was to sign, that an unwed mother could not be a mother at all. The growing list of “waiting parents” was more important to the worker than the emotional trauma she was doing by dismembering this one young family. Rowena wanted to keep her baby, and he was taken from her.

Because of the traumatic loss of her son, Rowena never had another child. She yearned for him for what seemed like unending years, thinking of him every single day, and doing what she could to deal with the PTSD and unrelenting grief.

As soon as Alberta set up an adoption reunion registry, Rowena signed up for it. Her name was on that registry for over twenty years as she waited to hopefully find Blaise again. All she had known was that he was supposedly adopted into a “good home” with a stay-at-home mother and a professional father.

Rowena began coming to our monthly Origins Canada support group meetings early this year, and we offered to help her find her son. Thanks to adoption records opening in Alberta (after a hard-fought campaign by people separated by adoption), she was able to apply for and obtain her son’s full adoptive name.

The search began in March 2009, and forty-two years after Rowena lost her son to adoption, he was found again!

The break came when we found Blaise’s adoptive family’s genealogy listed online, including an adoptive sister, “Alice.” We found her in the phonebook, and Rowena phoned her.

Yes, it was the right Alice. Yes, her adoptive brother was Rowena’s son. But, no, Rowena could not contact him as he was a drug-addicted homeless person living on the streets of a city far away. The sister promised to pass on the message to him, if he eventually got a contact number.

Eventually, when Blaise got a temporary cellphone, Rowena and Blaise were finally able to talk on the phone. He told her how his adoptive parents had divorced when he was young, and his adoptive mother was cold and distant. He had little contact with the adoptive father. No, Blaise had not graduated from high school. Yes, he was doing hard drugs, and when Rowena asked what drugs he used, he told her, “Anything I can get my hands on.” Rowena was shocked that her beloved son had been treated this way and was in this state, as she had been forced to surrender him by a system that had told her that these parents were fit and deserved her son more than she did.

Rowena and Blaise talked on the phone three times, when he was able to temporarily get a phone. By the second call, he was calling her “Mom,” and hoping to travel out to the coast to visit her and even live with her. He wanted to start a new life. Rowena offered to send him the bus fare for him to come out.

Rowena sent letters and photographs to Blaise through Alice. Unfortunately, Alice and her family opened up Rowena’s mail to Blaise, which hurt Rowena a lot.

In her third and tragically last phone call with Blaise, Rowena was happy to find that he had finally received the photographs and letters.

In early October, a phone call came from Alice. Blaise was in hospital with a serious heart infection, and Alice said that if Rowena wanted to see Blaise she had better hurry out to Edmonton fast. Alice offered to put up Rowena at her place. Rowena bought the tickets to travel the 1300 km trip and packed her bags, but 20 minutes before she left the house, the phone rang. It was Alice, who told Rowena in an angry voice that she “couldn’t have Rowena staying there” and that she would have to stay elsewhere.

Rowena phoned the hospital to find out how her son was doing. The staff there told her that they were not allowed to release any information, other than to people on the visitors list, and she was not on it. The adoptive father was in charge of the list. Even if Rowena had travelled, she would not have been allowed to see her son.

Last week, the final phone call came. Blaise’s adoptive father told Rowena that her son had passed away. When she asked, he stated firmly that, NO, she was not permitted to come to the funeral, as “They had enough people already.”

Thanks to adoption, Rowena never saw her son nor held him in her arms since his birth 42 years ago. Thanks to adoption, she will never have that chance. The adoptive parents had the right to ensure she would never be able to be there in his final days. Rowena is devastated. The hope of reunion with her son, the hope that sustained her for 42 years, has ended.

I write this post in dedication of the love that Rowena and Blaise had for each other, as mother and son. She never forgot her son. I hope that I am not the only one who sees the tragedy here.

If you are a mother considering the surrender of your newborn infant, please realize that you are losing the right to ever see your beloved child again. Even open adoptions may close at any time (they are not legally enforceable), and not only will you not have the right to see your child, but not even the right to know about his or her welfare. That is a right only the adoptive parents have, and even if your child is an adult — as next-of-kin — they have the right to deny all information or contact to others in case of a medical emergency. Adoption loss is a tragedy in so many ways. Please consider if you can live with this loss as well.

In Memory of Blaise
1967-2009
Loved and missed by your natural mother, Rowena,
even since you were born

This is a true  story about a natural mother and her son, and how forced adoption separation led to a heartbreaking tragedy.  Every time a mother and child are forced apart for adoption purposes, it is a tragedy; but for Rowena, the hope of seeing her son again was forever lost.

See Rowena’s article “Reunion Attempt

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42 thoughts on “Adoption separation: A tragic end for one natural family

    Myst1998 said:
    November 11, 2009 at 10:26 pm

    Oh Cedar… this is so tragic… and so very wrong! How could they not let her in to her own son! These people are evil, nothing else can describe such actions.

    Sending love and sympathies to Rowena for her loss.

    There are no words to describe this pain.

    Thank you for sharing this with us although I wish you hadn’t needed to 😦

    RIP Blaise… I am sorry you never felt the warmth of your Mama’s love as you deserved. I am so very sorry for the pain you were obviously in and were never allowed to speak of.

    Myst xoxoxo 😦 😦 😦 ❤

    unicorn said:
    November 11, 2009 at 11:44 pm

    What a heart-breaking story.

    What a heartless family not to allow Rowena to see her son. I hope she takes some comfort that she got to talk to him and that he called her “Mom”.

    At least her son knew that Rowena loved him and what she was to him, despite the evil efforts of those other thoughtless people.

    Even those heartless adopters can’t take that from her – maybe that’s what they were afraid of.

    And they wonder why we hate adoption so much.

    Mara said:
    November 11, 2009 at 11:58 pm

    This is heartbreaking.

    Why is this tragedy constantly replayed over and over in our human culture? This is intolerable. No one should be kept from knowing their own child.

    andy said:
    November 12, 2009 at 12:30 am

    thank you for sharing such a powerful post. As an adoptee I could not imagine the rage an anger that I would feel towards my adoptive family if they ever treated my first family like this.

    mssc54 said:
    November 12, 2009 at 1:51 am

    I’m sorry but I fail to see the tragedy. I mean a teenaged girl (and presumably boy) decide to have sex. The girl gets pregnant (no mention of the birth father) and decides, for whatever reasons, to voluntarily relinquish custody of the completely innocent and helpless baby to another mother AND father.

    Deciding to have sex in an uncommitted relationship was a bad, immature decision. Making the decision to relinquish custody of the baby was the BEST decision. Period.

    Could the teenaged single-mother have raised the baby. Sure but that’s NOT what would have been BEST for the baby.

    We all make poor decisions. You had the oppertunity to make the best out of a bad situation.

    You did the right thing. Stop second guessing yourself and be thankful that he was able to have, (not only things) but a loving family to raise him.

    Jane said:
    November 12, 2009 at 3:49 am

    😦 I wrote this on Cedar’s facebook page and I will post the same thing here

    OMG 😦 I am sitting here in tears.
    I am so so so sorry.
    That is just so unbelievably freaking cruel. That they denied her the opportunity to see her son before he died.
    I don’t understand why Alice offered Rowena a place to stay and then got shitty about it and said no
    😦 … Read More
    What a CRUEL family.
    Im going to post over on your blog too and I hope they read my comments.
    I hope that they feel guilty for the rest of their lives for what they did. NO not the adopting of the baby boy (that is a blame entirely for the agencies ) but the denying Rowena the chance to know her son as an adult.
    or to even say goodbye to him.

    MaryReunited said:
    November 12, 2009 at 4:27 am

    *tears pouring down my cheeks* Oh god Cedar-what did those people do to all of us? What the frak did they do to that poor boy-and now? Rowena if you read this, I am so very horribly sorry for your loss- after all that we have all gone through to have that at the end. Hold onto that mom though, his calling you says quite something to me-

    lissa said:
    November 12, 2009 at 3:53 pm

    I posted this response on the Origins Canada Forum –

    I am so sorry for Rowena and her son. This is beyond tragic and absolutely devastating

    I am completely horrified and disgusted with Rowena’s son’s adoptive father . I can’t believe he would be so cruel to keep a mother and her son apart at such a critical time. Blaise needed his mother.

    Another example of an adopter’s sense of entitlement. Were they so threatened by a mother’s love for her son? They didn’t deserve him. And to state ‘there were enough people already’. She is his mother. She, above anyone else, had the right to attend her son’s funeral. I am enraged over their spitefullness… it appears they didn’t care what happened to him, but felt the need to make one last gesture to hurt both Rowena and her son? They make me sick.

    I am very glad that his adopters realized that “their” son had his mother’s love and support. I am glad that they knew he needed and wanted his mom in his life.

    THANK GOODNESS Rowena was able to talk to her son. THANK GOODNESS BLAISE HAD HIS MOTHER’S LOVE.

    ((((Rowena)))) I am so sorry for the pain you are suffering. I will remember you and Blaise.

    Lissa

    maybe said:
    November 12, 2009 at 4:41 pm

    These APs need to be publicly humiliated. I hope Rowena is willing to put the full story out, with all first and last names and every ugly detail. They asked for it with their complete and utter lack of humanity, give it back to them in spades.

    maybe said:
    November 12, 2009 at 4:44 pm

    Oh, and for all the APs who are just DYING to say, “not all adoptive families do this” or “bio families do this, too” – SPARE ME. Don’t waste my time with your useless apologetics.

    mssc54 said:
    November 12, 2009 at 6:46 pm

    After reading some of these comments I am just astonished that the adoptive family are now the ones who are the “bad people.”

    Get over yourselves! This family WILLINGLY CHOSE to sacrifice their very lives to raise a child who could not be raised by his birth mother and or birth father (not to mention the extended family who also chose to let the baby go)!

    After years of nurturing, loving, nursing through sicknesses, teaching him how to ride a bike, writek read, talk, manners and teaching him to be accepting and loving the adoptive parents are BAD PEOPLE because they chose to not let a stranger sleep in their home?!

    Why is it so easy for some people to point fingers and redicule and judge one act as horrible after these same people have sacrificed so much for a child that no one else chose to sacrifice for.

    The birth mother may have coerced at the age of seventeen but that does NOT excuse the grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc. who chose to let this baby go to others. THEY are the truly evil people in this whole thing.

    PJ said:
    November 12, 2009 at 7:25 pm

    [quote]I am just astonished that the adoptive family are now the ones who are the “bad people.”[/quote]

    I would go further than that. That adoptive family did NOT love Blaise and proved that by not allowing him to meet his first mother when he was an adult and was unable to make the decision for himself, the woman who gave birth to him.

    Yes, her family may have bowed to the mores of society when his nmother gave birth to him, but in this day and age when information is freely available, it’s unconscionable for anyone to treat a mother like these aparents did.

    THEY ARE EVIL PEOPLE!
    -signed by a woman who met her son after 49 years of separation, but who has never met the aparents –

    maybe said:
    November 12, 2009 at 8:48 pm

    Thanks mssc54, I was waiting for the typical a-family response!

    So they raised him, big deal. That does not justify shutting out his mother at his funeral. Decent people allow pretty much anyone into a funeral to grieve and pay their last respects, even people they dislike. That’s just common courtesy.

    I suspect shame is the real reason they could not bear to have his mother attend – shame at admitting to the lousy upbringing they provided and shame at abandoning him and leaving him to live on the street when he clearly needed help – help that his real mother was willing to provide. Were they afraid that by attending she would learn even more ugly details about his supposedly wonderful APs? Gee, I couldn’t face a mother knowing I did such a great dissevice to her child, I guess it makes sense to shut her out.

    lissa said:
    November 12, 2009 at 9:02 pm

    mssc54… hmm… where to start???
    Are you really ‘astonished’ at the outrage we are expressing? Why is that, exactly? Before you point fingers, take an honest look at yourself.
    What is wrong with YOU that you would blatantly attack someone who has suffered the worst pain imaginable? Why are you defending the cruel actions of these individuals? YOU have gone out of your way to hurt someone who is already suffering. Are you proud of yourself? Frankly, I’m amazed at your sad response.
    Any individual who would purposely keep a mother and her son apart – especially given these circumstances -is repulsive. This mother’s son’s “family” KNEW loved and wanted his mother in his life. Where the hell were THEY when he was suffering from drug addiction? Didn’t get what they paid for, did they? What a shame for them. Perhaps THEY should have ‘sacrificed’ themselves to help “their” son. I see no evidence of that. I would also question why he fell into drug use. Perhaps he wasn’t supported and loved as a child should be loved by their parent. Perhaps he too felt the devastating pain of being separated by his mom.
    This “family” did NOT “willingly choose to sacrifice their very lives”. PLEASE. This wasn’t done out of the goodness of their hearts.
    Exactly why do you think these “parents” are to be commended? Would you care to share with us why you think these individuals shouldn’t have allowed their son’s mother to love and care for him and to be in his life? You do know, don’t you, that most adopters will promise an “open adoption” to a mother in order to convince her to relinquish her child, and then disappear? How is that in a child’s best interest? Adopters know that the mothers of the children they possess love and want their children. Of course, many sw’s will work hard to convince their customers that the mother has “abandoned” her child in order not to lose a sale. It is to ensure that the prospective adopters won’t feel guilty taking a child they want to be believe is “unwanted and unloved”. They are not doing anyone any favours.
    Go to: Adultadoptees.org and educate yourself. Adoptees are NOT grateful to their adopters. Nor are they required to be. I think you need a dose of reality. Please don’t tell them how to feel – this is our experience – the families that are torn apart and suffer from separation due to adoption.
    Have you bothered to find out what happens to young expectant mothers to separate them and their child? Or do you choose to ignore HOW a baby comes to be with an adopter? Your ‘ignorance’ card won’t work here. Mothers do not hand their babies over to adopters with a smile on their face. Most often, the baby is removed from the mother. Do you know why? So the sw can place the baby in foster care… then state the baby was “abandoned”. The abduction of her child is illegal and unjustified. Do you condone that? How would you feel if your child were taken from you?
    Now about the “extended family”… do you know that most extended family members are not even aware that their granddaughter or niece is pregnant? Are you aware that most girls are told to shut the hell up or are kicked out of their homes? I assume you’ve noticed that we will no longer be told to shut up. Inconvenient, isn’t it?
    ‘These individuals are not “bad” people for not allowing a stranger to sleep in their home’. Christ, are you serious? She wanted to be by her son’s side in the hospital. She would have been happy sleeping on the fucking floor!! Why are you trying to blind yourself to what they did in fact do? They purposely kept a mother and her son apart – on the hospital visitor’s list they had approved- to the funeral. Last time I checked, anyone who loves a lost one is welcome to attend the funeral. They were only thinking of themselves. They kept “their” son’s mother and him apart. They were only concerned with themselves. They are not being blamed for actions they are not RESPONSIBLE FOR.
    Do you not have any idea of what you are talking about? Your comment ‘that no one else chose to sacrifice for’ would be amusing, if it weren’t so ignorant. Shockingly ignorant. Most mothers who lost their precious babies to adoption (and I won’t get into coercion, as you are clearly not willing to be educated) WERE sacrificed so that ‘an infertile couple’s dream could come true’. SO WAS THEIR CHILD.
    Adoption is not about the best interests of the child – adoption caters to individuals who are willing to pay baby brokers to hunt down vulnerable, young expectant mothers to take their babies away from them. It is about the selfishness and deplorable sense of entitlement to a child that isn’t theirs – it’s all about the adopter. In fact, if you were to do the research – and social workers admit to this FACT – the problem is NOT the young mothers, the problem is the infertile couples who are desperate to obtain a baby. Yes, that must be a shock to you. No more than the mothers who lost their babies.
    Are you aware most mothers were threatened with having their baby taken from them, if they did not “consent” to “willingly surrender” their baby? Could you please do yourself a favour and do some research and educate yourself?
    I am inclined to believe you are an adopter or prospective adopter. Adopters normally display the traits you are exhibiting. Thank you for proving ONCE AGAIN the mindset of an adopter. Would you be WILLING to surrender your child?
    You may think I am angry – I hope you DO assume so. My child was taken from me. Her adopters have lied to her about her adoption. They are willing to let her believe hurtful and devasting lies so they can maintain their “status”. Isn’t that lovely? I am worried and concerned about her happiness and wellbeing… they want to own “their” possession. There are many who suffer as I do.
    Who the hell do you think you are to dismiss this MOTHER and HER SON.

      Cedar said:
      November 12, 2009 at 9:18 pm

      Yes, mssc54 is an adoptive parent. His blog is at mssc54.wordpress.com according to his link.

    Mara said:
    November 12, 2009 at 10:41 pm

    mssc54 is another example that pap’s need to be given psychological exams before being given an innocent child to mentally screw.

    Rose said:
    November 13, 2009 at 1:30 am

    I think mssc 54 should get over himself.
    Blaise wasn’t loved by his a/p’s at all His parents divorced when he was young and he rarely saw his a/p, which means he was adopted to fix a dysfunctional relationship and it failed. Period. He had a job to do right from when he was a baby, fix that marriage.
    He was an experiment. My brother was used like that too. He ended up on drugs too.His whole life was ruined by my mother who was like a dog with a bone.

    You know something mssc54, if you aren’t able to show empathy or even a smidgen of compassion then you have a personality disorder. PERIOD

    Lorraine Dusky said:
    November 13, 2009 at 2:56 am

    As a first mother who was welcomed into my daughter’s other family (possibly because she had serious epilepsy), and then tolerated (barely) by the adoptive mother as our relationship continued, this story does not shock me in the least. I am sorry for Rowena, sorry for her loss, and sorry for the hard-hearted adoptive parents who did not understand “their” son had needs that were his alone, and so turned away his mother as if she were nothing.

    No, I am not surprised at how little compassion some adoptive parents people have, those adoptive parents who commented here. I may have been tolerated, and no more by her adoptive mother, but at least I was tolerated.

    anon said:
    November 13, 2009 at 2:57 am

    These people who turned away Rowena are Christian?

    Hardly.

    AdoptersSuck said:
    November 14, 2009 at 4:21 pm

    What could infertile adopters possibly know about the sacredness of the Mother-Child Dyad? These mother-usurping fakes cannot comprehend what a REAL mother feels because they have neither shared DNA nor ancestral memory in common. Infant-adoption doesn’t cure infertility – what a sad shock after all the sacrifice and love (not). There was no payoff for poor poor infertiles 😦 so they just had to make others suffer – AGAIN.

    I feel sorry for them having to live as fakes and flakes but to deny a son his very own mother their final opportunity to express all their love and longing goes beyond cruelty. But sadly, it’s typical adopter behavior – selfish and shitty.

    My heartfelt condolences go out to this lost soul’s REAL and RIGHTFUL
    ((( Mother )))

    Triona Guidry said:
    November 18, 2009 at 3:11 pm

    I agree with what Rose said. Blaise wasn’t loved for himself, he was adopted to fulfil his adopters’ expectations. Otherwise there would have been no reason for them to fear his reunion with Rowena. Love always has room to welcome more love.

    What a useless, unnecessary tragedy.

    Celeste Billhartz said:
    November 18, 2009 at 3:43 pm

    ADOPTING IS WOMAN’S INHUMANITY TO WOMAN … Celeste Billhartz

    unicorn said:
    November 19, 2009 at 3:36 pm

    mssc54 has some major issues.

    Apparently he blames his mother for messing up his life and having only sisters until he was 13.

    Apparently it is also his father’s fault for working away from home too much and not wanting much to do with him.

    And when mssc54 was being a total jerk in his football team, he got thrown off the team – I guess he never got over that one.

    Then, apparently he joined the Navy where he spent decades being drunk and/or high.

    Then when he became a father, he still did drugs.

    And because of the above, he doesn’t mean to hurt people but he does.

    He has now adopted some children.

    God help those kids.

    They take children from us mothers who haven’t done drugs and them give to adopters who have been rotting their brains with god knows what for decades? WTF?

    mssc54, you are living in a glass house.

    By your own blog, you admit that you were STONED when your daughter was young! Disgraceful.

    And before you have a go at me, I didn’t give my son up for adoption – he was literally stolen from me and his father who did NOT get stoned!!! The UN ruled that was the case when the social worker involved admitted to bribery.

    And for be Christian?

    Let me remind you of your religion that says “He who is not guilty throw the first stone”.

    But I guess you forgot that with your drug and alcohol damaged brain.

    Get off your high horse, ex-addict.

    You’re lucky your kids weren’t taken from you – after what you said on here, you’ll be lucky not to lose the second lot either (child services do check these things out you know).

    mssc54 said:
    November 19, 2009 at 7:41 pm

    @Unicorn: First of all thank you for making the time to read through the various Blog posts on my Blog. You must have spent some time reading it. Thanks.

    As a matter of fact I DO have issues. When I was younger I acted like a selfish, resentful child. Heck even into young adulthood I made some very bad decisions. I have done things that have brought shame, not only on myaself, but on my family as well! I was a pretty big self-centered jerk. Although those years seem like a lifetime ago I can still feel some of that pain (as I am sure does my wife and children). I wish I could do much of my life over. I try to remember the mistakes and bad decisions I have made over the years and then do my best to not repeat them. Most of the time I am successful but sometimes I still do stupid things. However, (now) when I can see my mistake(s) I will readily admit them and do whatever is necessary to “fix it.” Cruel is the person who intentionally hurts another.

    I figure you just gasped when you read that last sentence because of what I wrote in my first comments. It was not my intention to cause anyone pain or discomfort. I did not have all the facts available and I was basing my comments on what I know to be the law in the US. I was basing my comments on what I have personally witnessed in the US Foster Care programs and Child Protective Services. From what I have learned Canadian laws are completely different and are not only easily but frequently abused by those in power.

    Yes we are adopting two young children. We could have done like the children’s biological family and let them go into Foster Care or the orphanage as the maternal grandmother suggested. But we were asked by the birth mother and father to care for their 2 and four year old children while they got off of drugs and completed their anger management classes. After 26 straight months of failing drug test after drug test and not even attending their anger management classes the courts stripped the birth father of his parental rights and the birth mother voluntarily relinquished hers. Initially we were supposed to have temporary placement of the two children for 3-6 months. All the birth parents had to do was to quit doing drugs and go to a few anger management classes. Can you imagie a two year old boy with belt marks from his angry father?

    What would you have had us do? The children had already been removed THREE TIMES within the two years of the boy being born! Incidentally, we initially got involved with this family when the birth father was raising the 4 month old baby girl by himself. We were called and asked if we would give him a hand during the summer while my wife was out of school. So we would go over and pick the baby up in the morning about 6:15 and bring her back in the evening about the same time. On occassion we would keep her over night and on the weekends just to give him a break too. Eventually we found out that the reason he was a single father is because when the birth mother was pregnant she got so drunk that she ran over a pedesterian and killed him. She was subsequently convicted of vehicular homicide and had the baby while incarcerated in prison. She got out, got back with the birth father, got married, got pregnant with their son and HE was born addicted to drugs! These birth parents had chance after chance after chance, after chance to get their children back. They chose not to. In fact the birth father did not even bother to show up in court for the hearing on terminating his parental rights!

    So once again, what would you have had us do? Do you think we should have let the children be seperated and go to complete strangers (as their entire family wanted)? The children already knew us and had a relationship with us.

    And yes I know Child Protetcive Services does “check things out.” We have been thoroughly investigated criminally, physically and psychologically. Here in the US they just don’t place children with someone simply because they say they will take them. Or at least they are not supposed to.

    I truly am sorry that you and your husband have had your child stolen from you. I can not imagine the depth of anger and despare you must feel. There can be no greter pain than that.

    As for being a Christian, yes I do try to follow the teachings of Christ, the Savior. However, I am but a man I fall quite short often. I honestly do my best to not cause deliberate pain. I most often get angry when it involves children… especially young children who have no choice but to be dragged through whatever stuff their adults choose to expose them to.

    Many people here seem so angry with adoptive parents. And based on what little I know about Canadian law it is certaianly understandable. Isn’t there a movement to get these abusive laws changed?

    I can’t imagine that you will soon find peace in your heart but I pray that some miracle comes your way and you are able to one day hold your child in your arms again. I wish there were more I could do to help you. Truly a child belongs with their mommy and daddy… if they want them.

    unicorn said:
    November 20, 2009 at 11:35 am

    mssc54 – thank you for taking the time to read what I had to say and for your response.

    In Canada, there has been so much corruption.

    Over the years that I have been looking into it, it seems that it is much worse in Canada and that it is institutionalised.

    The Child Migrant program that was recently in the news is just one such example
    (google Child Migrant Canada)

    Despite the fact that other countries have apologised to these victims, Canada still refuses to do the same. These children were taken from the UK and dumped in Canada to work as slave labour on farms. Many slept in sheds or barns and were beaten. These children were told that their parents had died (lie) and the parents were told that they had been adopted out to caring British families (another huge lie).

    The Ontario government has officially admitted that adoption corruption was rife after much pressure from the UN and myself (as well as others).

    The social worker that stole my son straight out of hospital also ran a dead baby scam with help from the agency, the hospital and other professionals. She paid my friend’s family doctor to tell her that her baby had died. She and her fiance had wanted that child. They are very caring people. My friend was so devastated that she didn’t have any more children – she couldn’t face going through that again and wrongly blamed herself for her son’s death.

    Can you imagine finding out 30 years later by accident that your baby did not die but was alive somewhere?
    Can you imagine finding out that you couldn’t even trust your own family doctor to tell you the truth or that someone could simply whisk your child out of your life without a second thought – and all for money.

    It happened a lot in Canada and there are mothers whose “dead” babies are now showing up as very alive adopted adults. It was particularly rife in Montreal and out on the West coast. Native people were especially affected. My friend has reunited with her “dead” baby and their reunion goes well.

    As for myself – my fiance left me when the social worker told him a pack of lies – she told him a load of crap such as he wasn’t the father, etc. They would not let him see his son. He blamed me for losing our son.

    I am pleased to say that he found out the truth many years later and tracked me down. Together, with the help of our spouses (we both had married other people by the the time he found me) we found our son.

    My son moved to Europe near to where I live and we have spent a lot of time together – he stayed 5 years and wouldn’t leave me until he was sure that I would be OK. My son then moved near to where his father lives in Canada and they are trying to make up for lost time. Last Christmas, they went skiing together and this summer they went camping.

    We have now found yet another injustice.

    The Ontario government has opened the records but to everyone’s horror, the names of all the fathers have been deleted. My son’s father is furious. He, myself and our son are now telling the Ontario government to put his name back. We are considering legal action.

    Various people including myself and Cedar (and the other writers that you see here) have been fighting this injustice for years. We are a movement – it is just that no one wants to listen but we are doing our best to be heard.

    I have put a lot of effort into getting justice.

    I ran a campaign a few years ago to get complaints to the UN. With the help of some others, we managed to get 10,000 of them. It took the UN 3 months just to read them all.

    My complaint, along with my friend – the dead baby scam victim – filed our complaints too with the UN.
    The UN was so appalled by our treatment that they asked if they could post them on the UN official web site. We said yes and they are still there even now to further embarrass the Ontario government. It is a reminder to them that the complaint will be resurrected if they do anything else that is not above board.

    Canada is MUCH worse than the States.

    The agency that stole our son – the CCAS of Toronto – hired *convicted* child abusers as foster carers
    (google Jeffrey Baldwin).

    Can you imagine my anguish on finding that out and that there is a possibility that these evil people were caring for my son?? When I was allowed one visit with my son when he was 6 weeks old, he was in pain – his bottom was red raw.

    I complained about his care and didn’t see him again for 25 years. I found out later that the foster carer let his bottom get so bad that he needed hospital treatment to recover.

    Now you can understand my anger.

    Trust me, we are all doing what we can to get a change – but the Canadian government is very difficult to deal with – just look at the Child Migrant scandal and their response to it. No apology is forthcoming from them, even though they would not have to pay the victims anything if they did apologise (the Canadian government passed a law to protect themselves from lawsuits if they issue an apology).

    val said:
    November 21, 2009 at 4:04 am

    This story is so sad, and it reminds me a bit of when my son died. Unlike Rowena, I was in reunion for 7
    years when my son died with myself and his a/m by his side. During the time when he was terminally ill, I was terrified that his a/parents would pull the same trick…not allow me at his funeral. My son, in his wisdom made me his Executor…gave me back my legal rights as his representative in the world…and I invited them to organize his funeral if they wished…they declined…I organized it…they never came….

    val said:
    November 21, 2009 at 4:16 am

    To Rowena,
    My heart is with you…stay strong…your souls had a contract and that contract still exists…it will exist forever…
    Love,
    Val

    Kim said:
    November 22, 2009 at 5:48 pm

    MSSC54 – You obviously didn’t read the post properly, this is what Blaise told his mother – “He told her how his adoptive parents had divorced when he was young, and his adoptive mother was cold and distant. He had little contact with the adoptive father. No, Blaise had not graduated from high school…..”

    The adoptive father was absent after the divorce, the adoptive mother was cold and and distant…he was not given a proper education, he was not raised in a way that would have been better than what his own mother could have given him.

    IT WAS NOT THE BEST DECISION! It was THE WORST possible decision made for him because it ended up with him being dead.

    And this is what you say to a woman whose son is DEAD – “You did the right thing. Stop second guessing yourself and be thankful that he was able to have, (not only things) but a loving family to raise him…”
    Not an appropriate nor intelligent thing to write. It astounds me how many people who lack empathy are allowed to adopt.

    Erimentha said:
    November 23, 2009 at 12:29 am

    mssc54 – I couldn’t give a tiny rats arse that you are adopting from foster care – what that makes you a saint? This story is about the pain of a mother and son who never got the chance to meet each other despite the fact that they both wanted to and you are a cold, heartless prick for saying anything otherwise. You will be a crap father if this is how you treat sensitive situations.

    Myst1998 said:
    November 23, 2009 at 12:56 am

    OMG, I can hardly believe the amount of comments here now…

    But worse, I can’t believe that an ignorant twerp would even come on here and be so insensitive and CRUEL given the subject matter.

    mssc54 – you are everythking I detest in an adopter. You have no idea of Christianity, no idea of what the teachings of Christ really are. You prove through your lack of compassion for this story that you are all about yourself and are in deep denial about what it means to be a loving family. Seeing as you have so many deep issues yourself to work on, I question entirely the suitability of you being anywhere near a child, especially a child who has been through so much already.

    Without empathy and compassion, you will only cause more damage in those children’s lives so if you want to do something for THEM, leave them alone and do some serious soul searching.

    People like you revolt me and confirm the reasons why adoption needs to be abolished. If you had a caring bone in your body, you would have been able to see the tragedy in this story and be empathetic. At the very least, you could have said nothing. But no, you had to comment. You had to ridicule another’s pain and rubbish her emotions. You are nasty and I would hate for any child to be raised by someone who is so uncaring.

    val said:
    November 23, 2009 at 1:10 am

    Hear! Hear! Erimentha and Kim! You have it so right.

    mssc54 said:
    November 23, 2009 at 2:29 am

    I still believe that Rowena made the right choice for her new born infant… at the time she had to make the decision. Her actions were in hopes of having the best for her baby.

    I also believe that the adoptive family screwed the child up. They will one day have to answer for that.

    If adoption were abolished completely what would you have done with all the children without parents? Just institutionalize them.

    Many, here, have chastized me for being insensative, uncaring, hateful and questiooned my faith in the Savior. Which are you the pot or the kettle? Or do Canadians know the term “That is a case of the pot calling the kettle black.”

    I did not ridicule another’s pain but people usually see what they expect to see.

    Perhaps you should lett he Holy Spirit know that He can have some time off since many of you are acting in His place.

    What really sticks out to me in all of these comments is how deeply wounded many of your hearts are. If you feel good for a few minutes throwing your firey darts at me then feel good.

    I hope each of you are able to find a measure of peace some day.

      Cedar said:
      November 23, 2009 at 8:51 am

      mssc54, I think that maybe part of what you might be missing is that Rowena had no choice. A coerced choice is not a choice at all, and when a hospital just takes away your baby and refuses to bring him to you, it actually is more like an abduction. In Australia, they’re calling a spade a spade and calling the same procedure abduction and illegal. And it was. You see, in Canada, Australia, and other nations, the hospitals took our babies and no-one told us we had any rights. No-one would ever have paid any attention to us anyway — unwed mothers were considered to be ‘the lowest of the low.’ She had no choice — all choice was taken away from her with the first emotional blackmail from her parents while she was pregnant. Just as I had no choice. When coercion is applied there is no freely made choice. When there is only one possible option given, there is no choice at all.

      Mei-Ling said:
      November 25, 2009 at 8:52 pm

      If adoption were abolished completely what would you have done with all the children without parents?

      They have parents; they’re just unknown. So why can’t domestic adoption overseas be done – or, in the case of Korea, fight for adoption reform in the hopes that adoption overseas no longer has to exist?

    unicorn said:
    November 23, 2009 at 6:03 pm

    mssc54 – why are you here? Really, why?

    You should go back to your family and spend time with them, not us (unless you like being a masochist).

    About the religious thing – I’m afraid that many have used religion to steal our children. The “God works in mysterious ways” stuff has worn very thin for many of us, including myself in particular.

    When asked about taking bribes for babies and breaking the law, the Catholic social worker who stole my son said (and I quote) “I’m doing God’s work, so it doesn’t matter that I break the law. I do this because I can. No one cares about any of you”.

    What about nuns beating the crap out of unwed mothers?
    One of my friends mothers almost died in Toronto when her waters broke but the nuns forced her to scrub the entire floor clean before they would take her to hospital. She and the baby almost died because of that.

    How about nuns chanting “Slut”, brimstone and fire speeches, etc. when mothers were in labour or giving birth. One doctor has told me how so distressing this was for mothers giving birth, that he had to have security guards drag the nuns from the delivery room.
    Again, the mother almost lost her child. How is that being a “Good” Christian?

    How about the Magdalene Laundries? Some mothers were never allowed to leave and they were buried in unmarked graves. Where’s the Holy Spirit in that?

    I could go on but you get the message.

    Quite frankly, the word religion turns my stomach after what me and my friends have been through. As far as I’m concerned, it is simply another word for evil.

    My immediate family and my found son have given up on religion because of all the corruption it has and all the pain it has caused our entire family. I’m afraid that I’m mostly in the Richard Hawkins camp after my experience with so-called caring “Christians” who stole our babies for money and abused them as foster carers.

    And yes, I do know kettle and pot – we are not as ignorant as you make us out to be and that comment comes across as patronising.

    Let grieving mothers have peace by having your absence.

    They came here to get away from people like you (how do you not get that?)

    They do not need preaching to – they have already had more than their fair share of religious venom to last a life time.

    If you really do care about your family, then go back to them instead of wasting your time here and find a blog more befitting your viewpoint so as not to upset the fragile and broken-hearted that seek peace here.

    Myst1998 said:
    November 25, 2009 at 9:06 am

    OMG, you are a really arrogant twerp aren’t you mssc4. Since when is a kidnapping a choice? Since when do mothers of kidnapped children have a choice? They don’t and yet you think that it is different to steal a woman’s baby and place him for adoption without his mother’s blessing?

    Are you kidding me?

    Don’t BOTHER bringing God into this because you sully His word by using Him to back up an evil instituition. If you had any clue about God and the Bible you would KNOW God doesn’t approve of snatching babies away from their mothers, in fact the whole concept of adoption is so totally ANTI christian I am amazed at the lengths so called christians go to to use God and their “faith” to back up their actions.

    As for seeing what we want to… you really are a heartless person. And yes, I am calling you on your faith because you don’t know what it is to be like Christ. He would NEVER condone what has been done in the name of adoption and He would NEVER condone how adoption is practised today. I know that without a shadow of a doubt. And as for calling me a Canadian, wow, so the USA and Canada ar ethe only countries in the world are they? You really are an arrogant ass.

    Why are you here? Are you trying to push your “superiority” onto others? Just because you adopt you act like you think you are some wonderful person. In my book, that makes you a person who has serious issues and likes to cause pain in others lives.

    Kim said:
    November 25, 2009 at 10:06 pm

    ” I hope each of you are able to find a measure of peace some day ”

    Ah the old wishing someone peace at the end of a patronising comment! Ha ha where is Joy? Come and see this and laugh with me.

    MSSC54 thanks for the laugh.

    I’m so glad I’m not you, it can’t be easy.

      Mei-Ling said:
      November 26, 2009 at 6:16 pm

      I know, eh? Wonder if they realize it comes across as patronizing….

    unsignedmasterpiece said:
    November 27, 2009 at 7:09 pm

    This is a very sad story. My son had a similar experience although it didn’t end this way. But seeing how he was raised in the “wonderful perfect family” that adopted him convinced me that the adoption party line is a great big lie.

    No one has more of a right to raise your child than you do.

    Adoptive parents are just like everybody else, they drink, they fight, they are unfaithful to their spouses,they get divorced. Some of them are good; some of them aren’t. Nobody can guarantee you they will be better than you.

    Dana said:
    December 4, 2009 at 1:41 am

    Poor wounded little baby. Someone huwt his widdle feewings. After dragging him here to comment, mind you! Dragging!

    mssc, if you have ever had your butt kicked in your entire life, clearly they did not finish the job.

    You’re not worth the energy, but I’m eating sushi right now and got some carbs to burn off, so what the hell.

    1. Adults raise other adults’ kids every day. You’ve got babysitters, daycare workers, school teachers, grandparents stepping in for sick parents, aunts and uncles helping their nieces and nephews, so on and so forth.

    Why the HELL does adoption have to be the only solution for genuinely substandard parents and life situations? Why can’t we reform foster care and maintain the legal relationship between parents and kids instead? It doesn’t have to be “stay with your parents & get the snot beaten out of you” or “go into an orphanage”–there ARE options in between.

    2. You didn’t even read the damn blog post. You had ZERO idea what was going on, and you stumbled into this-here china shop tossing your pretty little head everywhere and breaking things. Next time you want to tell someone it’s better for a kid to be raised by a drug addict (you will always be one–there is no such thing as “recovery,” only abstinence) than a single mom, maybe you should, I dunno, stop and think for five minutes. If, that is, you have two brain cells to rub together. And then, here’s a weird idea, READ BEFORE YOU PROCEED.

    I dunno… Am I out of line? Somehow I don’t think so.

    Go play in traffic, Rover. Quit pooping on our rug.

    Kim said:
    December 5, 2009 at 12:22 am

    I disassociate myself from the meaner comments here.

    Mari McAvenia said:
    January 31, 2010 at 5:47 pm

    I feel the pain of Rowena’s grief. People who deliberately separate mothers from their natural children always seem to have their “reasons” for it.

    Legal reasons, personal reasons, financial reasons, you name it. It’s all a load of B.S. These reasons do not justify the evil that is produced by their divisive actions.

    To intentionally create emotional vulnerability and deep grief in others is to be a practitioner of “soul murder”. Sadly, the people who ended up with Blaise were just that: Murderers without a rational reason.

    I know, first hand, how hard it is to recover from this sort of crime. Some “families”, like my own, are so sick that they “need” to keep the familiar evil going by savagely breaking the bonds that hold all of humanity together. People who stand in the way of mother/child reconnection- people like Alice- are disordered and unkind. Their own cruelty will follow and catch up with them, someday, just as Rowena searched, for decades, and finally found her own beloved son.

    Peace and LOVE to Rowena. You are in my heart. Cry on my shoulder anytime. I understand.

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