A precious (adoption-related) photo

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I decided to participate in the  “Adoption Carnival III: Photos of Adoption,” presented by the blogging network “Grown In My Heart,” which encourages bloggers to share blog posts related to adoption.

I thought about what photographs to share, and decided that posting photos of people may be a bit more personal than I would like to be.  So, I took a photo of a print-out of an “e-card” mounted on the wall of my office.  Along with the adoption certificate from when I adopted-back my son, and his original birth registration, this is the most precious adoption-related document I have.

My precious son turned 19 in 1999.  Thanks to Open Records and Freedom of Information legislation in BC (which enabled me to obtain his adoptive name plus the adoption case file, and all birth and court records), I found him in November of 1999, and we reunited in-person in February 2000, one day before his 20th birthday.   That Mothers’ Day, May 2000, he sent me an unexpected e-card that blew me away.   “Here Mom!  A Bunch of Love  Happy Mothers’ Day” it read:

here-mom-a-bunch-of-love
(click here for full-size image)

I was blown away by this card. After twenty years separation, in a closed adoption, I had assumed that perhaps we would be friends, if I was lucky. I knew the bond and love I felt for him, loving him as deeply as I loved my other three children, but I had no idea that he would feel similarly. But he did. Unfortunately, he had to hide his feelings from his then-adoptive parents, and they reacted very negatively (understatement) when he let slip about a year later that he considered me to be his mother, when recounting a story to them about introducing me to one of his friends. They laid down the law that they were his only parents and that he may not consider me to be a mother. In their eyes, i was not a mother to him, only a “birthmother.”

But, this e-card is very precious to me. It shows that the natural mother-child bond can endure through decades of separation, that my son felt this bond very early in our reunion, and that it will last no matter what. It shows that even then in his eyes I was not his “birthmother,” but that he loved me as, and considered me to be, one of his mothers.

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2 thoughts on “A precious (adoption-related) photo

    Cassi said:
    November 3, 2009 at 10:42 pm

    I was there too, when I hoped my son would be able to see me as at least a friend while loving him with all my heart just as I loved his siblings.

    I love the card and can fully understand why it holds the same importance as your son’s original certificate of birth and your papers from when you adopted him back.

    unicorn said:
    November 4, 2009 at 11:06 am

    I had a similar moment too.

    My son loves sailing and wondered where it came from.
    I told my son about all of his sailing ancestors. He realised that the love of the sea and his interest in tall ships came from those people.

    Anyway, we decided it would be fun to see a tall ship in the UK. As we were going around, we started chatting to some people, at which point, my son introduced me as his mother. It was completely unprompted and unexpected. I was pleasantly surprised.

    I asked him why he did that. He said that he had come to the realisation that he had two mothers who both loved him and that there was nothing wrong with that.
    I couldn’t stop smiling for the rest of the day 🙂

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