This is what it’s like.

Posted on Updated on

This is from “Kathy’s Story” on the Exiled Mothers site. Read this and remember. If you have a child of your own, think about how much you love that child and have always loved that child, then picture that child ripped from your arms or your body and taken away against your will:

” … they had my arms tied to the side straps, as well as my legs were tied too. I couldn’t move. I remembered screaming at this point again, “I want to hold my baby” “Please help me.” They laid him down in the plastic see-through bassinet, and the doctor yelled out to the nurse, give me 100 cc’s of Demerol. Again, screaming along with my son, they injected the shot. This is still like it happened yesterday, I can remember every minute. This is post traumatic stress. I saw the nurse whip him up, and speedily run out of the room. My doctor’s words were: “Kathy, this is what’s best for you, it’s too hard for you to see your baby”. Within seconds I was out like a light.. I remembered waking up in the hallway, the next morning, next to the nurses station. I remembered waking up so frightened and scared to death. I felt like I was raped. Raped from life. Raped from my rights as a patient.”

This is what it was like. I know.


2 thoughts on “This is what it’s like.

    "Pip" aka Hannah said:
    January 9, 2009 at 1:05 pm

    I wasn’t put through something as horrific as that but I do know what it is like not to raise my son and the pain of that will never go despite over 4 years of reunion and him living us now.

    susan mambro said:
    January 19, 2009 at 2:04 pm

    I just found this site. I have read your blog’s on another adoptese site and always surprised by what actually took place during the BSE.

    I am, more or less, one of those BSE kids, born 1943. When my first mother found out she was pregnant, my father’s Mother and Step-Dad insisted they marry. That was the “right” thing to do. So they married and I was born. I don’t get the sense that their relationship was anything serious prior to marriage. So here is a young woman with a new born, living with an almost stranger. She lived with an aunt, she was also dumped as a child. My father found work many miles from where they lived and moved us there.
    She was pretty much cut off from friends and family, isolated. One day my Father went to work and came home to find my first mother and I moved back to her aunt’s house in NJ.

    My father found work in jersey and they got an apt. My father claims that he came home one night after work and found my first mother with another guy. He immediately took me and my bottles and stuff to his mother’s house in pa.
    I was an infant (3-4 mths). My birth mother was never allowed to see me. My father got divorced and remarried when I was 3-1/2. The woman he married was 9 yrs his senior. I can distinctly remember her saying that I should live with my grandparents she didn’t want me. So that is exactly what my father did. He dumpded me on his mother and step-dad.

    When I was little and asked about my “real mother” (how they referred to her) I was told I didn’t need to know. Later I was told I didn’t want to grow up like my real mother – a slut and a drunk. At 7 my grandparents adopted me.

    I seldom saw my dad and the woman he married. Maybe xmas and a couple times in between.
    My grandmother was always bitter. I guess I would be too, if my son dumped on me. But she never said anything to him. I always felt different, not belonging not fitting in. I can identify with those that were adopted by total strangers. I was adopted by my extended family.
    My fathers father left them when he was young.
    My birth mother was left as a child. My great-grand mother was left as a child. I am from a family that gives people away.

    there is a whole other story but i will continue at another time. Let me say though, that over the years I learned a few things which I was never told. My birth mother would come to pa and sit on the next door neighbor’s back step watching my play in my play pen. I truely believe she was in a great deal of pain. I think this happened because she was very young, in 1943, she lived with her aunt, and just couldn’t fight my dad’s family. I have tried over the years to find her and the 2 half-sisters I am told I have. But to no avail. But in 2006, I got another of the rest of the story from my dad, he’s very old now, and a question came up when I applied for a passport and their was a mix up with my birth name and my adopted name. I had clearances for 28 yrs but couldn’t get a dammed passport. It took months but I got it. In that time my father finally sort of filled in the blanks. I have been in therapy since 2003. started over a different event. but I was still with this woman when this news broke. She is the one responsible for my finding the site. And I will be forever grateful to her. I continue to see her on a regular basis.
    I will close, sorry I rambled, but I have always wanted to give my side of my story to someone who would understand.

    Susan aka calabashsue

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s