Andy and Marcie: An Adoption Story

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(For those who have been touched by adoption (with a blow-torch), this story is pretty self-evident. For those with no experience or connection to adoption: this is an allegory about adoption, and mothers being convinced by agency workers that if they really loved their babies, they’d surrender them, that adoption is “the loving option,” and how it just does not make sense.)


Andy and Marcie: A Story

Andy met Marcie one afternoon over at Jim’s place. Jim had hosted a barbeque for his friends, and Marcie was the best friend of Jim’s sister Carla. Andy and Marcie immediately hit it off. Both were shy at first, and the conversation stumbled at times, but they laughed and joked together and felt comfortable in one another’s presence. They soon found that they had lots in common. They both loved the same sports (kayaking and hiking), going to hear the local symphony (both were season subscribers), and hated sushi.

After Jim’s party, it was a couple of weeks before either got the nerve to phone the other one up. It was actually Marcie who did, inviting Andy out to the symphony with her that Saturday — there was a special guest conductor in from Chicago. The evening went perfectly, and they went out for chocolate cake and coffee afterwards at the Mocha House Cafe, laughing and talking.

One date led to another, and soon both Andy and Marcie knew that they had never felt so close to another person, so comfortable, so “right.” They both accepted each other’s “faults” with good humour, had lots of fun together with family and friends, and found that not only was there romance but both became good friends. It wasn’t long until they moved in together and discussed commitment.

All seemed very natural, and all their friends were delighted for them. Everyone figured that Andy and Marcie were the perfect pair and would soon get married. In fact, Carla began to drop hints to her friend about being her maid of honour.

Nine months into their relationship though, after many days of joy together, Andy dropped a bombshell. With tears in his eyes, he told Marcie the news. He loved her so much that he had to leave her and he was moving out. Her faced turned white with shock, and she sat down on their couch in total numbness. This was not at all what she was expecting. When through her wracking sobs she asked him why, why she was losing the man she thought she would spend the rest of her life with” He replied with a choking voice that he was not good enough for her and the best thing he could do, the “loving option,” was to allow her to go to another man. No matter what she asked, that is what it came down to: “I am doing this out of love for you.”

As Andy walked out with his suitcase, he told Marcie the name of an intermediary who would pass on messages to him from her. He said that he still loved her and always would. But, he was firm that his counsellor said he had to “move on with his life” and “act like he had never met her.”

Marcie sat back. Did it make sense to love someone so much you had to leave them? When you could have spent your life together and everything was going so well? It was obvious to her: Andy did not love her at all, and this was just an excuse. Unloved, unwanted, she sat back in the apartment that felt so empty, and she cried.

Copyright 2008.  Contact the author for permission to reprint.

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10 thoughts on “Andy and Marcie: An Adoption Story

    maybe said:
    August 15, 2008 at 5:51 pm

    nice illustration of the absurdity of “positive adoption language”

    Mary said:
    August 15, 2008 at 9:30 pm

    Oh this is perfect! Kudos for finding a way to explain it that everyone has to understand!

    Mary

    PJ said:
    August 16, 2008 at 5:27 pm

    I’m hooked. Great writing. I love reading people’s stories. Go on…..

    Linda Webber said:
    August 18, 2008 at 6:44 am

    And the “moral of the story” is “people who love you will leave you? And or If you love another you will leave them? And the disease of adoption is perfectionism.Just as the Mother is not good enough for her own child so is the boyfriend not good enough for his girlfriend.It starts with a lie and no good can come from it.It isn’t love,it is love being used for the lie to be maintained.It is ADOPTION……….

    Donna said:
    August 19, 2008 at 3:59 pm

    WOW! Never have I seen it put that way. I am an adoptee and I am moved by this story! And as the above mentioned, the perfectionism of adoption is what I have LIVED as an adoptee my entire life! That is amazing. Makes me want to cry! Thank you for the story… Put beautifully!

    Andraya said:
    December 6, 2008 at 3:18 pm

    It is amazing how changing the players makes the point seem more valid. Anyone else who experiences such a profound loss is coddled and cooed over, told how they didn’t deserve it and are worth so much more… What do we get? Suck it up and be grateful! Hogwash! This shows adoption in a way everyone can understand, huge kudos!

    adopted piece of shit said:
    December 7, 2010 at 5:59 pm

    genius. pure genius

    unicorn said:
    December 8, 2010 at 11:53 am

    Excellent piece of writing. It shows the absurdity of it all.

    michelle said:
    April 12, 2011 at 12:42 pm

    Wow, I’ve never seen it put like that. I’ll have to think on that one.

    The adopted ones said:
    April 17, 2011 at 2:46 pm

    Love it!!!

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